I have been thinking a lot about bullying recently.  We have been bombarded by the recent news of teens killing themselves, after being bullied and harassed for being gay, or being thought gay by other teens.  I have been encouraged to hear of schools, legislatures, foundations and individuals around the country that are trying to make changes to prevent these tragedies from occurring in the future.   But there is so much to do!

This is not just about gay teens.  Kids bully and are bullied for almost anything that makes them appear different from other kids.  Kids are still bullied for being of a difference race or ethnic group, for having an accent, for dressing differently than others, because of their gender, because they are smart, because they don’t do well in school, because they come from a different socioeconomic group, because they are not athletic--really, for almost any reason.  We need to address bullying of all kinds, and I don’t think we have done a very good job of this so far.

I want to focus today on gay teens, since the recent suicides appear to have been related to that issue, and I want to come back to how to help a bullied child, and how to stop bullying in other posts.

Homosexuality is a political and religious hot button, and I am not interested in getting into that debate.  What matters to me is the individual kids, teens and adults who are affected by it.  Most medical and psychological experts agree that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (GLBT for short) is not a choice.  At some point during their development, people who are GLBT realize that that is who they are.  They can choose how open to be about that, and how they will behave, but they cannot change who they are.  

What that means is that a teen who is discovering themselves to be GLBT, or even who is just perceived that when, may feel bullied not only by other kids at school, but by everyone around them.  They are bombarded by messages at many levels, in the news,  and perhaps from important adults in their lives. They may hear that there is something wrong with them, and sometimes that they are even evil.  Can you imagine what that feels like?  Can you imagine the despair?  

Most parents don’t imagine their kids being gay.  After all, by most estimates only 5-10% of people are GLBT.  But there is no way to tell which kids will discover that they are GLBT, so it is important for parents to think about the messages they send, even when your kids are young.  Do you communicate that we should respect every person, even when they are different from us?  Do you communicate that you love your children unconditionally?  If your child discovered that they were GLBT, would they know that your love for them would not change?

For kids who do realize they are GLBT, there are many resources to help them realize that they are still good people, that things will get easier, and to help them connect with other kids who are struggling with the same issues.  Rainbow Alley is a center is Denver run for kids who are GBLT, and who are questioning whether they might be GLBT.  The Trevor Project is a website with information for GLBT kids and teens.  It Gets Better is a website with videos from GLBT adults to try to help kids see that they can have a good future, even if the present seems kind of bleak.  President Obama recently posted a message for kids on that site.

Learning that your child is GLBT can be a real challenge for parents as well, and Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays (PFLAG) is a national organization with local chapters throughout the country for parents and other people who care about someone who is GLBT to connect with other parents.  

I plan to talk more about bullying and preventing it in a future post.  To close, this You Tube Video is a very touching view of what it is like to be bullied, and what it can mean when a courageous person stands up against it.