What’s the most common question I get asked in my practice?

Is it, “When will I know I am really in labor?”

That is a very common question, but it’s not the most common.  

Is it, “Isn’t there a better way to get a pap smear?”

Again, a favorite, but not the most common question. 

Well, I can sure tell you what is NOT the most common question, despite what some of you (men) may want to believe: “Can I have sex yet?” at the postpartum visit. 

All the dads are excited for that postpartum visit after their baby is born—for the “go-ahead,” the nod from the gynecologist that all is back to normal with their wife or girlfriend so that they can get back to “normal activities.”

BACK TO NORMAL???? 

The stitches may be healed and the bleeding may have subsided, but I can assure you, all is NOT back to normal. And for most women, the reason they have not had sex yet after delivering a baby is not because they are awaiting the “go ahead” from the gynecologist. It’s because they are deeply, distressingly, overwhelming, shockingly, tired. 

Postpartum moms are simply not in the mood. It is biological. Mother Nature knows it is probably not a great idea to get pregnant again, yet. 

So, just as a man has a primal drive to try to procreate again (not that he is thinking about more babies), a woman has a primal drive not to procreate, and these drives are in definite opposition to each other. 

There are a few pragmatic issues to consider, as well: a sore bottom, leaking breasts, and hot flashes from low estrogen (one of the hormonal side effects of birth and lactation).

What else goes with low estrogen? You guessed it: vaginal dryness. 

Throw in a few extra tears and 20 (at least) extra pounds and you have a recipe for GREAT SEX, right? 

Not. 

And don’t forget the stress of a new baby—more work to do, changing family dynamics, and the requisite bickering over who changes the particularly stinky diaper. 

So, the most common question I get asked goes something more like this…

I do the postpartum exam, and check to make sure that at least things are healing well. The woman states that she supposes that means she can have sex again, and tells me how her baby-daddy has been awaiting this moment—has been awaiting the “go ahead.

She then asks me the most common question: “Can I just tell him 3 more months?”  

Of course I say, “Sure, whatever you want.” And we both chuckle. 

Just last night while awaiting the birth of a baby, in the wee hours of the night, someone confessed to me the following: “I had to get drunk to have sex again!”

Well as any of you who have siblings or more than one child knows, the desire does return. More quickly for some than others, but it does return. 

The issue of libido is complicated, but for those of you with new babies, be reassured that things do get back to normal (eventually) and you are not alone!